Getting what you want - the psychology of negotiation

I very much enjoy reading Kim Arnold’s blogs that land in my inbox every week (and if you haven’t read her book

Email Attraction

I highly recommend it).  The other day her blog featured

a story about a photocopier experiment

and how this played on our hardwiring as social animals to respond more positively when someone gives a reason for their ask.  Kim’s blogs are often about making the way we communicate more effective and much of this can be read across into the mediation room and getting people to respond positively to what we are asking.

One of the skills required of a mediator is getting parties to think carefully about how they negotiate.  I start this process in my first calls with my clients - before the mediation day I always have a zoom call with each party to discuss the case and to get parties thinking about how they will approach the process.  Much of this rests on practicalities but I also touch on the psychology of persuasion because, at the end of the day, both parties need to persuade each other to come to an agreement that they can both sign up to.

Robert Cialdini in this book,

"Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion"

, identified six key principles that can help you encourage others to comply with your requests.

 

Reciprocity: People feel obligated to return favours. If you give something (a gift, a compliment), they are more likely to help you in return.

Commitment and Consistency: Once people commit to something, they are more likely to follow through to maintain consistency in their beliefs and actions. Getting small commitments can lead to larger ones.

Social Proof: People look to others to determine how to behave, especially in uncertain situations. Highlighting how others have complied can encourage similar behaviour.

Authority: People tend to obey authority figures. Establishing your expertise or credibility can make your requests more persuasive.

Liking: People are more likely to comply with requests from those they like. Building rapport and finding common ground can enhance your influence.

Scarcity: Perceived scarcity increases desirability. If people believe something is limited or exclusive, they are more inclined to act quickly to obtain it.

 

I urge my clients to bear these principles in mind when coming to mediation and suggest a few ways to bring this psychology into the mediation process:

Let the other side choose the mediator - give that to them and they may feel obligated to react more favourably to your later asks.

Don’t produce new evidence close to, or worse, at the mediation day.  This will challenge the other side’s views of your consistency and commitment to the process.  It will also damage your credibility and, therefore, your authority.

And be likeable - people do deals with people they like.  Plus this makes the process much more enjoyable for all - the parties and the mediator alike!