Mediation by Royal Appointment?

I was in the office late one night when I got the call from the Palace. Would I be available to mediate for a rather delicate family dispute? The venue – Sandringham House. The date –January 13th. I checked my diary and confirmed I was free. Then I put down the phone and wondered if now would be a good time to buy a new tie.

Of course this telephone call never happened. But what mediator wouldn’t have imagined themselves at such an extraordinary and unprecedented summit? The case would have been markedly different to the usual sort of family dispute our mediators deal with. In fact ‘dispute’ would have been too strong a word for a situation where it was a ‘role’ that was in contention. Still, as someone who’s dealt with over 1,600 mediations, I fancied my chances. Find out how I imagine the meeting would have played out with the help of our family mediation services.

 

Resolving Family Disputes
The crunch talks took place with The Queen, Charles, William and Harry. Here, the good news is that all parties would’ve been able to sit in the same room. For most family disputes that I’ve handled that would have been impossible.

Putting siblings together can be particularly explosive. I once had a family mediation case where the client told me ‘I knew from the age of five that I disliked my sister’ – and then there we all were, 50 years later, with those deep-seated grievances and resentments bubbling over.

I can’t see Harry and William entering into a slanging match. However, close relationships often fall apart when a new girlfriend or wife appears on the scene. Which brings us to Meghan…

 

Dealing With Spouses Through Family Mediation
Was Meghan ever really going to be ‘dialling in’ to Sandringham? Or was that a media fabrication? The fact is, while the ideal scenario is for all parties to be physically present during mediation, it’s not essential. A conference call is fine.

In my experience, the presence of a spouse can often worsen an already hostile environment anyway. Will the spouse want to fight their partner’s corner? Absolutely. Will that inflame an already potentially volatile environment? Without a doubt.

I once mediated a case involving five siblings fighting over a family farm and they all brought along their spouses. During the mediation, I spoke to each sibling separately so we could have a conversation that wasn’t influenced by their spouse. This gave me chance to understand their true interest and feelings. Consequently I was able to form a deeper insight into what was at stake for each of the siblings – and convey their message to all the parties in a more emollient and conciliatory manner.

Had Meghan been present at the Royal pow-wow, I might have done the same.

 

Getting to the Heart of the Matter
As a mediator, one of the key skills is listening. But it’s often the unspoken that underpins a dispute and its resolution. In the case of the Royals, the elephant in the room must surely have been Princess Diana. Harry and William were deeply affected by their mother’s death and it’s this that undoubtedly both divides and unites them.

We know that at the centre of the ‘dispute’ is Harry and Meghan’s desire to remove themselves as royals from the media spotlight. As Harry has said of press intrusion – ‘I won’t be bullied into playing a game that killed my mum.’ The dichotomy is that Meghan has sought to be in the limelight as an actress. So while William, Charles and the Queen obviously echo Harry’s desire to protect his wife and son, they will understandably feel aggrieved at Meghan’s double standard – and how, after marrying into ‘The Firm’, she’s now ostensibly breaking up it up.

The added complexity of the Royal Family’s business and working engagements adds another layer, which our expert mediation services would have had to negotiate.

 

With Understanding Comes Family Dispute Resolution
Had I been at the royal mediation I would have talked to each of the parties separately. A private conversation would have allowed them to open up and express their hurt, fears, concerns and ambitions for the future in a full and frank way.

Only then would I have progressed with the mediation process to explore potential solutions and to help develop a viable option to suit all those concerned. Although the precise structure of a mediation will depend on the issue at hand, the spirit, aims and methods are often very similar.

Find out more about how Mediation works, here

.

As it is, the royals seem to have done a pretty good job without me. Oh well, I may still treat myself to a new tie…